> Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint

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Phillip_McCavity
#1 2018-11-08 17:44:33

Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint

https://politics.theonion.com/inconsola … 1826462420

WASHINGTON—Following months of bruising criticism from Democrats and President Trump alike, an inconsolable Jeff Sessions was reportedly trying to commit suicide Thursday by smoking a joint. “I swore I’d never take the coward’s way out, but what choice do I have?” said a teary-eyed Sessions, carefully laying a sealed envelope containing his farewell note on a tool bench in his garage as he raised a lighter to the marijuana cigarette with trembling hands. “This is it. I’ve taken four puffs to make sure there’s no chance of survival. It should only be a matter of minutes now. Oh, what a wretched, ignominious ending. Goodbye, cruel world, I’m sorry I’ve failed you so.” At press time, Sessions reportedly realized he had died after being overcome by a euphoric, floating feeling.

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Dindo Nuffins
#2 2018-11-08 18:13:01

Re: Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint




Word on the street is he will go back to the senate.

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Phillip_McCavity
#3 2018-11-09 06:52:15

Re: Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint

still funny

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WithoutFroth
#4 2018-11-09 07:09:09

Re: Inconsolable Jeff Sessions Tries To Commit Suicide By Smoking Joint

There were over 6 marchers at city hall today.  What hath Trump wrought.

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